CLOSURE

Just read a friend's blog and i found myself relating to her really well. She had broken up with her boyfriend just before the holidays and it wasn't because they didn't love each other anymore but rather, because they didn't see a future together. They felt/knew it for some time but didn't want to end the relationship because after all, they have been together for over a year and i think it would be painful to let go. But i guess time built up all the uneasiness and un-comfortableness living a lie, they couldn't keep lying to themselves and eventually, they chose to let go. I think it's awfully sad but ok, i'm no better.


She talked about spending her supposed monthsary being single after almost 2 years, how she felt, how she's trying to slowly get used to not having him around anymore, how she's no longer going to have dates after school, how she's trying to pick herself up, trying to move on and reading it, i felt very happy for her and at the same time, envious. Envious of how she can be so truthful to herself as well as everyone else. I just always choose to clam up and numb the feelings away. But you know those feelings never truly go away until a long time later if it had mattered. It has been a while, more than 6 weeks to be exact, but i think im still holding it in, sometimes feeling it claw at me but im afraid that the moment i let myself go for just that little bit, i won't stop for a long time.


*I believe this is the first time i'm opening myself up on any social media platform.*


Even till now, when friends bring the topic up i still always find myself feeling stuck(?) initially. Like i still find it difficult when the topic is touched. So, here it is. The conclusion. I decided to let the relationship go not because i didn't love him anymore or because i didn't see a future together but because i woke up one day and realised he is actually never going to move from his spot. He is never going go that extra mile or even metre for me. He is never going to be more. He is never going to fight for me, for us. And i don't think i only deserve this much.


I suppose i have known those truths all along, i just chose to be optimistic and hoped things would pick up eventually. But nope. So, he left me hanging with no questions, no closure, and damn i'll be lying if i told you it doesn't bother me. BECAUSE I AM SO BOTHERED. But i am done waiting, done hoping, done asking myself why. Like Allan said, maybe only i can give myself the closure i seek and on that note, it will be that 'I had a great 2 years with you. Thank you for that chapter, now it's time to move on to greater things.'


I would like to believe that sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together. My wound is still healing but i feel so much better and lighter now. Ok, time to get back to getting work done.

LACE ON LACE

Lace/crochet is the way to go! Its timeless in my dictionary. Chose to go with the oversized, drappy look which i always go back to but mum just always say i look....sick. Oh well.


Thursday saw me crawling out of bed with just 4 hours of sleep to head to the gym for a short session with the sister. 20 minutes on the treadmill (warm up+run+cool down haha) and i woke up terribly sore and aching on Friday. Been really out of practice for a while, or half a year to be exact :(  I need to return back to those intense leg lifts + sit ups days....


Got my hair fixed later that afternoon. Feels so refreshing and way lighter! Though the last couple years i've snipped off my hair till shoulder length or slightly shorter a couple times, i've always always gone back to growing it out. Not sure why but ever since snipping it last August, i cannot get enough of it! I suppose its psychological but i feel bouncier, lighter and....happier? Whichever the reason could be, it works. I feel better. That's what matters right?


Ended the day planning for Perth. Plans are bare and sketchy but i cannot be bothered much! I just cannot wait to jet out of here! Oh yes, scared and super thrilled at the same time for some for grand plan i've got up my sleeves! Will share about it when it actually happens! On another note, i've been at this draft for a while, feeling terribly rusty at blogging. Wanted to give up so many times!!

WEDNESDAY BRUNCH AFFAIR #4

Fully decked in my favourite colour with all my favourite lazy pieces for this week's Wednesday Brunch Affair. Haven got the guts to wear this headband out of the house. One day, one day. 

Finally found a suitable chain to string my first and only Pandora charm from Rachael and Jie Ying. Call it cliche or naive but i chose this fairytale book charm because after all this time, i would still like to believe in a fairytale ending. Why not?

 

Jun Wei and I aren't exactly breakfast people nor are we best buddies but one day we just thought we'll make it a point to have brunch every Wednesday at a new hunt and it has been great so far! For this week, i decided to bring him to Lola's Cafe for their brunch menu and of course, dessert :)

Lola's Cafe

5 Simon Rd, 545893 

6284 0349

LIFESTYLE BLOGGING /FACING THE TRUTH

When I considered coming back to this space, i weighed my options on what type of blog is this going to be. Back to lifestyle blogging or revamping this space into a fashion blog? Well, not that i'm anywhere near qualifying to start a fashion blog. It was just something Hui Min and i talked about a couple times which may have pique my interest because.....well just because.


So, i decided to go back to lifestyle blogging and no more 'nice, happy entries' only because damn, life isn't all so pretty. A little war broke out between dad's siblings today (Mum and dad passed on the story). 3 of them plus my grandpa are hot-tempered which may just have been the root of the problem. Dad's the eldest, followed by an uncle and an unmarried aunt. Grandpa lives with my uncle and his family. Apparently, unmarried aunt decided to make herself at home and lived with them for a week after which, she had loads to complain. She complaint about how the maid failed to keep grandpa's room clean (i heard she scolded the maid even), complaint about how my uncle and aunt had neglected grandpa, the list goes on. My uncle obviously got angry and rebutted her.


He doesn't have the best character or the cleanest, neatest house but he took care of grandpa all these years and has never complaint. Grandpa has never said anything about being unhappy or whatsoever either so who is she to say so much? This may be bias to begin with but sad to say, none of us really like her much. Not just her own siblings or their spouses, us kids too.


Hot-tempered, bad attitude, unreasonable, irresponsible, greedy. She eats off us too! Sunday's lunch is reserved for grandpa. After all these years she still tags along and has NEVER OFFERED TO PAY THE BILL. Although unmarried, she isn't financially stable. So, if you're incapable to live comfortably on your own much less taking care of someone else, i suggest you speak less. She used to live with my uncle until she got booted out for acting like a princess in somebody else's home. The argument amounted to my uncle being so fed up he had enough and asked them to look after grandpa instead since he has been accused of being incapable.


Which obviously *here comes the main point* dad said he would take over the duty. I died. In my head i was like ' homg noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!' Its not that i dislike grandpa or dislike living with old people generally. I suppose i am just overwhelmed because i am not accustomed to it and its not like we are close or anything. Or perhaps, i am just afraid. Afraid of bonding, afraid of facing what is to become of them and afraid to face the after. After those thoughts, i immediately felt guilty because those were selfish thoughts and i am going to find myself in the same position as them someday. What will become of me? A wanted or unwanted (grand)mother? Hmmm.


I pray my uncle said those at the fit of the moment and that dad's not being serious. Dad scolded her for being a troublemaker HA. Finally. Despite knowing all her bad traits, dad still tries to paint the best picture of her. He hardly says anything. Good luck to that aunt anyway, my uncle has officially declared he is turning his back on her.


I've ranted off far too much. Time for bed.


Goodnight!

SWITCHING UP

I've been switching up all my denim shorts options for skirts for a while. It started out rather tough to make the change, i've been living in my denims for as long as i can remember and was never a skirt person. It may have even been an obsession i might say. I have more pairs of shorts than your fingers and toes put together can count.


There was a long period of time that i'll be willing to indulge in a good pair of denim. Ok, i probably still am. But the reason why i had decided to make the change? It's about time to grow out of it. I'll wear my denim just about to....anywhere. There has to be some kind of segregation. I've officially coined the term strictly causal for denim shorts. Also, i've made the huge move by removing 10-15 pairs out of the closet and into storage! Couldn't be more proud of myself. *beams*


Now i'm having much fun exploring skirt options! The variety of materials, lengths, styles, prints....been experimenting with a bit of everything.

Here's my current weekly dose. Teh-bing and my favourite chocolate cake mmm.

x

NEW CHAPTER

After much hesitation and contemplation, I've decided to come back to this space. All previous entries have been removed because i feel the need to start on a fresh page. This is my new chapter. 

A regret that i had so easily deleted my previous blog. No great writing or such, it was just that it had recorded so much of my life during my poly years.

I supposedly have a lot of work to tackle but somehow my mind still always finds time to think of the unnecessary. Not really sure why i've been feeling kinda lost as of late.Second guessing myself all the time. What happened to me?

I guess I'm just still not really used to being on my own. But things are good, Sort of.